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Pearls

by noera

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1.
Home Alone 03:35
Fell asleep with the lights on again last night What a bad sign, what a bad sign Took doses too hard of vacation in midnight's light He tells me to be the man that I am If we're the world she's the plan I'm just E.T. with only one light, only one light Enjoy a Donut and pay for my ramen too What a bad sign, What a bad sign Not here to shop just to stop and say hello to you Why would I buy this expensive shirt? I'm only gonna get hurt b[u]y something good but I'm afraid to I'm afraid too [chorus] I never thought bein selfish was good Don't tell me I'm feelin sorry for no reason I've been away from my sweater for too long I'm missin my hood 'Cause what I love can't please me Clean the house to make everything look nice What a Bad Sign, WHat a Bad SIgn Don't care to ssoee all the band s that my cool lfpreinds like what wolend i get from this trip to the mon I couldn't get in my room Head in a crater I'm a good guy I'm a good guy (keep tellin yourself that) [chorus] I never thought bein selfish was good Don't tell me I'm feelin sorry for no reason I've been away from my sweater for too long I'm missin my hood 'Cause what I love can't please me
2.
FMLA 02:59
Sugar-obsessed American Hooked on caffeine and Ritalin I smoke my boyfriend's nicotine Not quite sure what it does for me He's Interpol she's fantasy Looks at the web, my eyes to see No camouflage identity can relate She takes me parsimoniously [riff] Drinks the same water I knew in youth But scratched the itch I never soothed A metal suit but no one inside Baby I just want my body back I split myself, Kauffman and Cage To join a club, faking my age 'Ridikkulus' to change my face, spell me out I don't know why I can't change or why she doesn't complain [riff] I know what it's like to be a loser I know what it's like to be a loser Never really was a pic and chooser But I know what it's like to be a loser I know what it's like to be a loser I know what it's like to be a loser
3.
Gemini 03:40
Are you surprised that I'm not who I was? (That I'm not who I >said< I was) And would it change your mind if I said that I was fine If I said I was alright I'm not alright but I guess that's a lie I've got some shit together but I'm Still freaking out on the couch every day now Please help me come down Where did I go When did I leave What is this illusion I'm seein in front of me Motor hums Drugs don't come cheap Lookin for solutions to lovin when I'm weak Might give you a growl but can't hurt you with flat teeth I learned how to howl when they took away my fleece Can't afford the truth when you see me 'Cause I'm still down, Feeling really weak Are you surprised that I'm perfectly numb Like a smile in a photograph Dirt in my teeth from the fear on my tongue You'd convince me to take a bath Take it all back but I can't so I'll have to learn how to love myself Before I react to the intimate pace Of emotional interchange Patience, patience, patience please (Erised, to me) Patience, patience, patience please Think before you speak Patience, patience Patience, patience, patience please Patience, patience Patience, patience, patience please
4.
Hedge Maize 04:24
Hedge by the minotaur was growin over growin overhead like a banana sky overripe, overripe I don't know what to do with my time You're so deep a labyrinth Can't get in, cant get in Find peace through indifference Wear your friends, Where're your friends? I eat crumbs like the past's behind Do you ever feel like getting older is a curse on your security and the bed that healed your teenage heart can't fight the cold in here Am I too odd or too far-removed? To fit with your long island wrecking crew? My squad was the corn I'm a country kid Are you gonna keep me on as your city bitch? Never seen your bike before All in black, all in black Fits your look and it's no high horse Gets you out of the house Head for the Garden and you don't look back Too much fillin your little heart Feed the rose, feed the rose Heed that thorn in your little paw Decompose, Decompose Always see your makeup intact Do you ever feel like coming over is harder when you love me and the bed that healed your teenage heart can't fight the cold in here Am I too odd or too far-removed? To fit with your long island wrecking crew? My squad was the corn I'm a country kid Are you gonna keep me on as your city bitch? Betch betch betch you won't Bet bet bet you don't
5.
Tell me what it is that you're running from Little boy with your toy gun Rough with the bad guys but all in good fun Little boy with your toy gun Smilin when you're savin the day Makin all the ghosts turn away But they don't run When you turn your head Did you feel strong hidin under the bed what, through that frame, you saw, you'll shun but it comes back Why are you afraid to be a sensitive son Little boy with your toy gun Same came around when your father was young Little boy with your toy gun Show them that you don't have the leash Never think of using their teeth But they get stunned When you shed your fleece DId you feel strong Hiding under the sheets Hair of the dog Makes you bite your tongue in your cheek Started with nothing, can't spare the expense Little boy with your toy gun They took your family what good is a friend Little boy with your toy gun Livin in the longest of cons Just to find the man you thought won The race they ran So you took his name Did you not once think of quitting the game? The winner's cup won't fill you up Revenge won't fill you up So you better run You better run, run away Little boy with your toy gun
6.
Cortisone 03:53
I took a big bite and spit it out The taste of sour's too much for me right now It just felt so nice to have you in my mouth A fool drawn and quartered I sleep a lonely day away by the morning I am sick with golden rays Add your scent, and mix to taste Oh man, whoa oh man Keep control Put a stone face on and don't let her go Never let the tremors make you fold four-fold In an appetite for laughter She's so heavy dipped in Acapulco Gold I fake fortitude with my wicked eyes I see your gaze is not the vacant kind I just ache to watch your body serpentine And this whiskey treats me like cortisone Late at night, I rub the lotion on By the morning I have scratched down to the bone Oh man, whoa oh man Keep control Play the long game now and don't let her go Just cross your arms and leave it to the fault, fault, fault of the blind and bored fates of the blind and bored fates that keep your soul
7.
Weekend Vultures on the lawn They can't put those dresses on Skirts that skirt and skim the dew Not sure why they look at you Weekend vultures pining for the dawn Quick to put your records on Nod along and hum the tune But did they really listen to it? And you don't have to say what Goes on inside your room And you don't have to say what The Vultures did to you Weekend Vultures feeding on your bones Thinking "Who would rather be left alone?" Your door opened, only To Be Kind Their racing fervor ate up your peace of mind And you don't have to say what Goes on inside your room And you don't have to say what The Vultures did to you --I've been calling all night --Policemen don't see the danger --There is no wolf I'm just confused about the laws of nature Weekend vultures, so suddenly gone Never stay to find what they did was wrong The winner sings the final tune The newspaper won't tell you what the losers really lose And you don't have to say what -- I've been calling all night Goes on inside your room -- Policemen don't see the danger And you don't have to say what --There is no wolf I'm just The Vultures did to you -- confused about the laws of nature
8.
Why do the streets smell like cigarette hotels A half dozen bottles from the beast at the wholesale Daddy used to feed him when he could (did you know he was an immigrant too?) Why do the lights look like a veteran lapdance A kid in pajamas settin fire to his presents Somewhere a kid who's gettin nothin is doin their best impression of girls in holiday ads I won't be long I don't belong I don't feel like comin home anymore

about

Pearls revolves around mental illness and gender identity. The mix of pronouns used most often represents internal gender conflict and is rarely in reference to a particular individual. This record is dedicated to all those living with BPD or dysphoria.

credits

released January 11, 2019

Written, produced, and performed by Prudence Delilah (she/her)
Drums on FMLA: TJ Stevenson (they/them)
Additional vocals on Gemini, Hedge Maize: Heather Jones (they/them)

Recorded + Mixed by Heather Jones at Sooo Big Auditory
Philadelphia, PA
Mastered by Bill at Azimuth Mastering

Immense gratitude to Heather, TJ, Sam, Donnie, Aoife, Orion, Pat & Doug, Patrick at Dead Definition, and all the peers, queers, and cheers that made it possible.

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noera Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Recording and Live project headed by Prudence Delilah

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